Just a note.

Sickness.

Oh baby. Mahmee was soooo sick. I had a very bad tummy bug of sorts that made me very sickly. So sickly I lost a few lbs and had to go to the hospital to give you some fluids. It took them a few minutes to find your heartbeat in my tummy and i was sooooo scared you weren't okay! But we are okay! I got medicines and we are now closer to health. Its been a few days and I'm still not 100%, but I'm eating and almost able to drink enough! I wanted to show you the difference in week 31 picture...vs the one I took while sick. I am a little smaller! But it did come back once the doctor put the medicines in!  Love you baby! :) the orange shirt was 31, the purple is 32 weeks. :) grow big baby girl. I want you perfect :)

Coffee.

Coffee is one of my favorite things. :)
This whole pregnancy you have changed my tastes! At first I couldn't even stomach a cuppa coffee. And then it HAD to be cold and blended. And then it had to be black with no creamer. I usually love creamer! And now, it varies. Sometimes black sometimes with cream sometimes cold. Its soooo weird! But I love you boooooo! You're wonderful. Right now you're measuring 34 weeks (just 2 weeks ahead as opposed to 6 weeks ahead like you were before). You'll be here in roughly 8 weeks. I love you and we're excited for you :)

Platypus.

Jude loves his sissy and bought her a purple duck. I found a matching one at a thrift shop and got it for jude so you can match!! :) love my babies.

Lopsy moon.

All cuddled on one side. Love you!

Wheaties.

Making me hairy like your bubs.

Your brother did the same...made my tummy all hairy.  Ij love how similar you already are to him. My soul mates. :) grow safe baby girl.

Belly.

Sometimes you stretch out right into my ribs (I don't mind....even uncomfortable...ij get to feel you!)and I have no bump. Just what looks like some tubby. And sometimes you are very noticeable. You're so silly. Excited to see you moon.

commitment.

sometimes mahmee and daddy fight a little bit. 

we try to talk and be respectful and work it out like adults, because we want to show you how people who love each other communicate effectively. 

sometimes we talk a little loud and we should use respectful tones. 

but we love each other. 

and after spending time apart, we dont ever wanna do that again. 

we work hard to let our relationship work. 

and sometimes we get stubborn and have to be brought back down. 

just a couple things i want you to remember:

when you find the person you are supposed to be with...do NOT let them go. 

Never allow someone to call you names, or hurt you with their hands or words. 

i would say dont ever go to bed angry, but sometimes you will. and thats okay. on those days, while youre still angry say "im still VERY mad at you, but i love you. and this can wait until we're ready to talk." if youre too mad yuou cant say it...just say "i love you."

do not EVER use your hands to show anger by hitting the person you love. 

when you love them, love only them. sometimes your mind may wander or you may think thoughts, but if you act on those thoughts you really hurt someones heart. 

Julian, LOVE your wife. Love her like youve never loved another. 

Maya, Respect your husband. love him and show him that he is your world and the head of your life. 

to you both...this does NOT mean lose your independence or your spirit...allow them to be with you in this life. 

Have dates with your loved one from day 1 to day 60,000. Be the old couple seeing movies together, and judebug, always pull out her chair and open her door. My gramma used to give my boppa heck...and he would still open her car door and hold her hand to help her in. 

respect love as a process. if you truly love someone..it doesnt just go away, even if you are no longer together. learn to respect your own growth, and the people that helped you. 

have grocery shopping dates. no one WANTS to grocery shop, but doing it as a date makes it romantic. 

have coffee dates when you have kids. have someone watch the kids for 1 hour while you get coffee...or even 15 minutes while you drive to starbucks....or even waking up at 6am to have a coffee date together before the kids wake up. 

have lazy sundays. Mahmee's favorite days have been sundays that daddy didnt get up early and he stayed in bed cuddling while i slept in. 

do things that make her happy. i love it when daddy makes me coffee before work...and sometimes i leave him notes. 

make dinners. clean up a little extra. rent special movies. have living room sleepovers.

thank them, for doing the things they do....even if they are gonna anyway. "thanks for working today" i tell daddy. "thanks for doing the laundry for me!"

go out for your anniversary...and then some.

keep pictures in your house of just the two of you...and leave the old ones up too. this helps you remember where you came from...and where you are now.

make gingerbread houses together.

eat candy together.

go on jogs and runs together.

rub each others shoulders together.

say i love you...a LOT.

always tell them "its going to be okay." even if you arent sure.

do charity work together, or something that gives back.

cuddle.

play board games together.

pick your battles...and pick them wisely.

dont call each other names...and if they slip...you sure as heck better apologize for them.

find your balance....


mahmee and daddy are gonna cuddle and watch a movie together....ill add more later for you.



we love you both babies.
i pray every day that you both get what daddy and i have.
love you!

Love. Lovelovelove.

Gave me a scare!

Had a bit of a scare the other night. I had contractions for 6 hours and cramping. I worried about you so I went to check you out. Your heart rate would get high sometimes when you would bounce around but all is well. You're just a content little lady in there. And I am glad we have ten more weeks with our secret relationship :) love you!

30 weeks. Ten left to go babe.

I feel tiny here. I love ya small girl.

Uptown girl. by Billy Joel.

while watching television we heard a rendition of Uptown Girl and you started wiggling around. Mahme has always loved that song, and it makes me happy you like it too, even through uterine walls and a mess of fluid. 

love you baby girl. 

Isn't daddy handsome?

29 weeks of love.

hard times.

i wont lie babies, sometimes i am so scared of the unknown. Daddy woring, and me staying home and school. some days it doesnt feel like its going to work out. 

but we are faithful good people. 

we give of ourselves to others who do have less, and we are thankful for our health and for our many blessings. 

today we got some news that was hard to hear, and has had me up worrying most of the night about us and our lives. but i know that if something amazing doesnt work out...and we have worked hard for it, and have been good to others and faithful, that there is something thrice as incredible out there we must look for. 

we are blessed babies. and as long as i have my babies and my brothers and sisters and my Jamie, we will be all right. 

much love to my Moon and my Son. 

stay faithful, stay positive, and stay the good people you are.

Mahmee.

Singing one day by matisyahu to his sister :)

Jude singingn to maya

Abc's anyone?

Blowin rasps

Oh jude. You LOVE blowing raspberries on my tummy with maya in there.  So much so that EVERYTHING you do, you get this adorable grin. You will love each other! Maya, you have an amazing brother.

Daddy's incredible birthday gift!

i love you both so much that i constantly worry about you. its true. its a burden i bear.
but i am GRATEFUL. every day. that i have your health for that moment. when each day passes and you sleep soundly, im SO happy you made the day with me and you are well.
i love you both so much.

and there are so many mommies and daddies that have precious babies that arent healthy right now. and mommy is very atached to a place called St Jude. its a hospital for children that, once accepted, the families are exempt from medical bills. the kids in this hospital have varying types of cancer or serious illnesses, andthis place is a lifeline for them.
i hope we never have to use it, or apply for it, or even need to think such things. but i always make sure, that even if we have very little on the money side, that we give to those who truly are in a worse position than us. i feel its Gods calling for me to do such a thing. i give every so often, 5$ here, 10$ there, 40$ every now and again.

daddy did an incredible thing.

for my birthday yesterday he had reached out to lots of friends and family.
he asked each of them for $11.21 (my birthday month and date) and set up an account for them to donate. after 3 weeks he had collected $190.56 for St Jude. my heart was blown away.
190.56 is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. but it HELPS. its incredible really and i was so amazed by Daddy's heart and soul and that he can see my heart for others is so much so that it made my night.

im amazed. just in awe!

i hope you get our hearts.

soon we will venture out into the hectic holiday shopping and let Mr Jude pick out a gift for a kid for toys for tots.

and Purple Grandma and Ayla and Dan bought me Toms for my birthday, an organization that when you purchase a pair of shoes from them, they give another pair to a child who has none in another country. my birthday was selfless and i am SO excited for it. i think i might do it next year too :)

im thankful for you babies!
here are some more pictures of the last birthday i have before maya comes into our lives! had a great time at the surprise party daddy organized for me. i was all swollen and exhausted, but had a BLAST!

You have the best daddy ever!

I feel so pretty today being your mummy.

Happy birthday to me!

My babies.
Its my 25th birthday and this is all I want for my birthday. I have everything I could want and need wrapped in two perfect bodies.
Thank you god for bringing my babies to me. My heart is full and life is love.

You two are, along with daddy, my world. Id be lost without you. Thank you jude for making the last 3 birthdays incredible and for my papaya for making this the first of many as a foursome. Love you both!

Hi maya :)

At matts house just hanging out :)

paradise.

one day mommy and julian got a song: Lost by Coldplay. i will FOREVER think of him when i hear it...even though its not happy, i just remember slow dancing with him to it...and it has become happy to me.

for you my love, i think of you, and your brother too, when i hear Coldplay's "Paradise". here are the lyrics.
i want you to listen to this baby girl, whenever you feel any sadness, know that its temporary, and you my little girl are my paradise.

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly

and dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise

Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
She'd dream of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

lalalalalalalalalalala
And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"

This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

Daddy and maya.

veterans day.

today we remember veterans. Veterans are people who love(d) our country enough to sign up knowing they may lose their life for our freedoms. We dont like War, and Mahmee and Daddy dont believe violence s the answer. luckily, we arent the ones faced with making big decisions about these things. and since war does happen, we have WONDERFUL people who sacrifice for our country. we are thankful to them. We like to send them Letters while tey are deployed, even strangers, and we send care packages and prayers. we can only thak them, and their families that sacrifice for us. im SO grateful we have wonderful people protecting me and my babies and my family :) here are a few people mahmee and daddy know who are serving their country :)

Aunt Kay - Mahmee's sister. She is currently in the Navy as a nurse. 

Uncle K - Just enlisted this past 6 months and is on his first R&R. He is going to do great things. 

J Green - His wife is a friend of Mahmee's from high school. he is in the Navy and right now his little boy and girl and wife do not get to see him all the time. what a great sacrifice. 

R McKeown - a friend of Mahmee's from high school. we worked together with children for awhile, and i went to church with his daddy. good men they are. 

Mahmee's birth daddy - not your Poppa Russell but the man who met my birth mommy and had me. we are thankful for his service in the military, even if he isnt around our lives much, he still sacrificed for our country. and we like that. 

S Finch - a friend of Mahmee's from high School.

S Knight - a friend of Mahmee's from our old work. 

J Woodford - an old friend of Mahmee's even though we may not speak much, we love his sacrifice. 

K Ponce - Mahmee's oldest friend. Ive known her since elementary school. She has been in the military for over 5 years. what a great thing!

Uncle Nick - Daddy's friend. He is in the military and has been for awhile. good guy!

Uncle Vic - Mahmee's friend from high school and a good man. we love him, and he was in the service for over 8 years! such a great man he is! His wife Sheila and him have 4 kids, and he had to be away from them a lot :( its a good thing he did for us.

J Bolton - Mahmee's friend from when she lived with Mr Richard.  

Mr Dre - Mahmee met him through letters she sent overseas to him.

Andy Ralls - Mahmee's friend Andy passed away 2 weeks after judebug was born, and while it wasnt in the military, it was related to it. im thankful for him and all he did when he was away in Iraq and i wrote him lots. i miss him, and i think about him often. especially today :( he had a little baby boy named Jaxon he never got to meet because he went to heaven, but we look out for him.

Mr Thomas! - Miss Nikki's once husband, love of her life, and her babies' daddy :) hes a fun guy and he has been in themilitary for awhile in the navy. we like him. 

lots of people, more than we imagine, are in those other countries helpign them, and helping us, and we love them. 

those that are home now and safe, those who went to heaven, those who are away in other countries and deployed or in training. we are thankful. 

always do nice things and tell them thank you. 

aunt heather always says thanks whenever she sees someone in uniform. and its a good practice. 

much love babies. happy veterans day. 

:)

i think a lot of thoughts to you Maya.

its sweet. i feel like sometimes you hear my thoughts and it lulls you to sleep.

i wonder:

Will you look like daddy? or mommy? or julian?

Will you be artsy? a giver? a sports fanatic?

Will you be a daddy's girl or a mommy's girl?

Will you like Pink and nail polish? or fotballs and skinned knees?

will you be my princess or my sporto?

What do you do in there? is it scary and cramped or comfy and cozy?

When will you come? will you come out on your due date and share a birthday with keemy? or will you be fashionably late? will you arrive a little early or a lot early?or will they have to force you out because you like it too much?

Will you be a happy sweet cuddle bug? or an independent thinker?

Will you be small and petite? or strong and able to fend for yourself?

i wonder a lot about you and Jude. i imagine it may take him a little bit to get a hold on the brother thing, but it makes me wonder what if he immediately steps in...and you become his world?

i wont lie, maya, sometimes i get scared that i wont be as awesome a mom to you as i am to julian. i worry, "what if im a great boy mom, but not a good mother for a perfect ltitle girl?" what if im not a great role model? im not good with fashion or cooking or sewing. I dont know about dolls and princesses and i hate disney movies half the time. what if im no good with a girl?

im gonna learn what i can sweets, because you deserve the bestest. you already are gonna have the best daddy, and you are gonna have him wrapped around your fingers.
im gonna do my best. and as long as you do yours too, we'll be just fine :)

right now as i type this you are rolling around in my tummy ad i wonder...do you know how much i love you?

to the moon and back Maya Moon.

Hiya maya!

:)

We love you. And each other.

Kicking to kyle.

Uncle kyle is back on leave from the army. And he is talking, and you are moving all over to his voice. :) love it.

Heartburrrrrrn

As I sit here eating my nummy salad with horrid heartburn...you afre rolling away. You silly girl. I love you :)

playing with your headbands :]

we were just being silly. we know youre going to look like a combination of mahmee, daddy and jude...but what exactly?! im excited to see but i LOVE being pregnant with you!

we have lots of headbands for you baby girl! and SO many pretty outfits.

we love you so much, its strange you dont have a clue who we are! you will soon andthen you can put a face to the voices and a name to the heartbeat youre hearing. we love you!

a note to my babies.

its no secret i call my Jude my "SonShine" and little Maya will be no exception. Baby girl you will be my Maya Moon.

to be able to say "Good Morning SonShine" and "Good Night Moon" will just make my day.

i worry about you both every day, but i have faith. Faith in God. God is wonderful. and He knows that my love for you is all encompassing. after all, my love for you, is exactly what He feels for me. Im his baby, just like you both are my babies, an youre also his!

sometimes Mahmee worries about things, but no matter WHAT happens...nothing breaks the bond we have as a family. the bond between Mahmee and Daddy and my sonshine and my maya moon.

i love you babies!

you make me proud with every beat of your hearts.

Never be ashamed

Never be ashamed of who you are to anyone...especially daddy or me. We love you no matter what.

Remember that.

If you ever feel you can't talk to anyone...you can come to us.

If you ever feel sad or scared or unhappy...come to us babies, we want to love and hold you and make it all better.

We will always be mahmee and daddy. And we love our babies so so much. For who you are, and nothing less. Love you pumpkins!

22 weeks baby.

You popped out :) I love it! I see and feel you! I'm blown away. Right now I'm still fightin sickness. I'm grateful the lord protects you from this virus I'm fighting. Bless your perfect heart.

National coming out day.

I wrote this on a page for acceptance of homosexuals.
This is honestly how I feel.

"I was thinking today,"national coming out day", that if my son or daughter ever came to me to come out, the only tears id cry would be tears of happinesss that I was a good enough mother that they knew they could tell me anything without judgement or sadness and that I would share in their everything, same as I would if they "came out" that they were straight. It would change nothing of my love for them. And I hope, when that day comes, that it be legal that they can marry the man or woman of their dreams :) as long as you are good to those you love, and even those you don't...you'll never disappoint me (or the lord) babies. let no one tell you otherwise :) Love you!"

You are not defined to me by the person you fall in love with babies. You, to me, are my baby. You are the one I give my heart to and set an example for. If you ever need to tell me anything at all about feelings in your heart never hesitate! I will not "tolerate" you. I will embrace you! You will always be my babies as long as you give love freely and responsibly and treat others well. Be safe, be smart, and know I'm here for you.

More on that later; mahmee is sooo sick and needs some rest.
Loves!

to my jude, and to my maya.

to my jude, and to my maya.

 "NO ONE will EVER know the strength of MY LOVE for YOU.

 After all, YOU are the ONLY ones who know what my HEART

 sounds like from the INSIDE."

youre my beautiful beautiful babies. 

im blessed to be your mother. 

and i love you in ways i will never be able to explain. 

i pray every day that i get more time with you to show you. 

you ARE my life. 

my HEARTs.

youre everything to me babies.

Maya belle

Hi love.
Its 315 am.
Next to me, daddy sleeps.
Jude sleeps in his room.
So does uncle.
And me, I am awake...and I feel you stirring. You're excited this early morn.
What are you doing in there punching about maya belle?
Oh how I love feeling you move. You make me smile and I just adore you being in there.

Love you belles!

Lover you!

just laying in bed thinking about you.

love you maya belle!

October First events...

the other day we went to our dear dear friend Noah's wedding. :]

Mahmee has known Noah for about 5 years now, and loves his family berry much.

he was getting married to Jessica, a lady he loves SO much! im so happy they are together and married and happy :]

thanks for being my date Maya Belle.

Maya baby!

Mahmee had to take some medicine because my back hurt soooo bad. But I'm taking it easy for you babe. Love you bunny!

Its all gravy baby..

You make mahmee want gravy.
All the time.
I can't get enough!

(Love you!)

this is, so far, my favorite picture of you in my tummy.

im feeling a bit better for the most part. im still unbelievably tired, and you have been bringing mornign sickness back as well as food aversions in general.

but i feel good. my tummy has basically stayed the same for the past 6 weeks, but its harder now and im seeing tiny stretch marks form! im proud of them as it means im growing you! i love you and your brother and i am VERY happy i get to be your mahmee.

grow good little maya bee.

i love you.

daddy felt you move yesterday :]

you kicked his hand so hard. he could feel it and ther ewas this look of wonder and joy to feel his little girl. :]

you dont move much, but when you do i love it. its my favorite part of being pregnant. i love you maya boo.

Maya baby

I felt your tiny little baby bunny kicks last night.
It was wonderful. Keep doing it baby, let me know you're safe. I love you :)

Hi baby girl

Maya belle...why don't you move punkin? Are you safe in there? I love you. And am excited to see you!

Jude cuddling with maya :)

:)

Talking about maya.

Hi my babies.
Today juse walked up to me holding pictures of the sonogram we had. He looks at me and sweetly says "can we talk about maya mahmee?"
Then around naptime jude leans in and tells maya "I love you maya." Then got so excited "mahmee! Maya said 'i love you too'!"

I can hardly wait to see you two together!

You're already friends. Love you.

Maya en la playa :)

Your blanket smells like brother.

I was just laying here...looking at your clothes, and I grabbed the blanket I made you. It smells like brother. And it makes me overjoyed. I am so excited you get jude as a big brother. Loves.

We are excited for you maya bunny.

Maya bunny

Mahmee was wrong! But jude knew all along and so did daddy. (Mahmee was wrong about jude too!).
We got to see you today. You're not much of a mover, no wonder I haven't felt you! But seeing your heartbeat was wonderful. So many people are berrrry excited that you're mine and daddy's little girl. I wonder who you'll look like. Personally...I hope you look like brother :)

Love you mayberry. My little bunny girl. :)