Singing one day by matisyahu to his sister :)

Jude singingn to maya

Abc's anyone?

Blowin rasps

Oh jude. You LOVE blowing raspberries on my tummy with maya in there.  So much so that EVERYTHING you do, you get this adorable grin. You will love each other! Maya, you have an amazing brother.

Daddy's incredible birthday gift!

i love you both so much that i constantly worry about you. its true. its a burden i bear.
but i am GRATEFUL. every day. that i have your health for that moment. when each day passes and you sleep soundly, im SO happy you made the day with me and you are well.
i love you both so much.

and there are so many mommies and daddies that have precious babies that arent healthy right now. and mommy is very atached to a place called St Jude. its a hospital for children that, once accepted, the families are exempt from medical bills. the kids in this hospital have varying types of cancer or serious illnesses, andthis place is a lifeline for them.
i hope we never have to use it, or apply for it, or even need to think such things. but i always make sure, that even if we have very little on the money side, that we give to those who truly are in a worse position than us. i feel its Gods calling for me to do such a thing. i give every so often, 5$ here, 10$ there, 40$ every now and again.

daddy did an incredible thing.

for my birthday yesterday he had reached out to lots of friends and family.
he asked each of them for $11.21 (my birthday month and date) and set up an account for them to donate. after 3 weeks he had collected $190.56 for St Jude. my heart was blown away.
190.56 is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. but it HELPS. its incredible really and i was so amazed by Daddy's heart and soul and that he can see my heart for others is so much so that it made my night.

im amazed. just in awe!

i hope you get our hearts.

soon we will venture out into the hectic holiday shopping and let Mr Jude pick out a gift for a kid for toys for tots.

and Purple Grandma and Ayla and Dan bought me Toms for my birthday, an organization that when you purchase a pair of shoes from them, they give another pair to a child who has none in another country. my birthday was selfless and i am SO excited for it. i think i might do it next year too :)

im thankful for you babies!
here are some more pictures of the last birthday i have before maya comes into our lives! had a great time at the surprise party daddy organized for me. i was all swollen and exhausted, but had a BLAST!

You have the best daddy ever!

I feel so pretty today being your mummy.

Happy birthday to me!

My babies.
Its my 25th birthday and this is all I want for my birthday. I have everything I could want and need wrapped in two perfect bodies.
Thank you god for bringing my babies to me. My heart is full and life is love.

You two are, along with daddy, my world. Id be lost without you. Thank you jude for making the last 3 birthdays incredible and for my papaya for making this the first of many as a foursome. Love you both!

Hi maya :)

At matts house just hanging out :)

paradise.

one day mommy and julian got a song: Lost by Coldplay. i will FOREVER think of him when i hear it...even though its not happy, i just remember slow dancing with him to it...and it has become happy to me.

for you my love, i think of you, and your brother too, when i hear Coldplay's "Paradise". here are the lyrics.
i want you to listen to this baby girl, whenever you feel any sadness, know that its temporary, and you my little girl are my paradise.

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly

and dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise

Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
She'd dream of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

lalalalalalalalalalala
And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"

This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

Daddy and maya.

veterans day.

today we remember veterans. Veterans are people who love(d) our country enough to sign up knowing they may lose their life for our freedoms. We dont like War, and Mahmee and Daddy dont believe violence s the answer. luckily, we arent the ones faced with making big decisions about these things. and since war does happen, we have WONDERFUL people who sacrifice for our country. we are thankful to them. We like to send them Letters while tey are deployed, even strangers, and we send care packages and prayers. we can only thak them, and their families that sacrifice for us. im SO grateful we have wonderful people protecting me and my babies and my family :) here are a few people mahmee and daddy know who are serving their country :)

Aunt Kay - Mahmee's sister. She is currently in the Navy as a nurse. 

Uncle K - Just enlisted this past 6 months and is on his first R&R. He is going to do great things. 

J Green - His wife is a friend of Mahmee's from high school. he is in the Navy and right now his little boy and girl and wife do not get to see him all the time. what a great sacrifice. 

R McKeown - a friend of Mahmee's from high school. we worked together with children for awhile, and i went to church with his daddy. good men they are. 

Mahmee's birth daddy - not your Poppa Russell but the man who met my birth mommy and had me. we are thankful for his service in the military, even if he isnt around our lives much, he still sacrificed for our country. and we like that. 

S Finch - a friend of Mahmee's from high School.

S Knight - a friend of Mahmee's from our old work. 

J Woodford - an old friend of Mahmee's even though we may not speak much, we love his sacrifice. 

K Ponce - Mahmee's oldest friend. Ive known her since elementary school. She has been in the military for over 5 years. what a great thing!

Uncle Nick - Daddy's friend. He is in the military and has been for awhile. good guy!

Uncle Vic - Mahmee's friend from high school and a good man. we love him, and he was in the service for over 8 years! such a great man he is! His wife Sheila and him have 4 kids, and he had to be away from them a lot :( its a good thing he did for us.

J Bolton - Mahmee's friend from when she lived with Mr Richard.  

Mr Dre - Mahmee met him through letters she sent overseas to him.

Andy Ralls - Mahmee's friend Andy passed away 2 weeks after judebug was born, and while it wasnt in the military, it was related to it. im thankful for him and all he did when he was away in Iraq and i wrote him lots. i miss him, and i think about him often. especially today :( he had a little baby boy named Jaxon he never got to meet because he went to heaven, but we look out for him.

Mr Thomas! - Miss Nikki's once husband, love of her life, and her babies' daddy :) hes a fun guy and he has been in themilitary for awhile in the navy. we like him. 

lots of people, more than we imagine, are in those other countries helpign them, and helping us, and we love them. 

those that are home now and safe, those who went to heaven, those who are away in other countries and deployed or in training. we are thankful. 

always do nice things and tell them thank you. 

aunt heather always says thanks whenever she sees someone in uniform. and its a good practice. 

much love babies. happy veterans day. 

:)

i think a lot of thoughts to you Maya.

its sweet. i feel like sometimes you hear my thoughts and it lulls you to sleep.

i wonder:

Will you look like daddy? or mommy? or julian?

Will you be artsy? a giver? a sports fanatic?

Will you be a daddy's girl or a mommy's girl?

Will you like Pink and nail polish? or fotballs and skinned knees?

will you be my princess or my sporto?

What do you do in there? is it scary and cramped or comfy and cozy?

When will you come? will you come out on your due date and share a birthday with keemy? or will you be fashionably late? will you arrive a little early or a lot early?or will they have to force you out because you like it too much?

Will you be a happy sweet cuddle bug? or an independent thinker?

Will you be small and petite? or strong and able to fend for yourself?

i wonder a lot about you and Jude. i imagine it may take him a little bit to get a hold on the brother thing, but it makes me wonder what if he immediately steps in...and you become his world?

i wont lie, maya, sometimes i get scared that i wont be as awesome a mom to you as i am to julian. i worry, "what if im a great boy mom, but not a good mother for a perfect ltitle girl?" what if im not a great role model? im not good with fashion or cooking or sewing. I dont know about dolls and princesses and i hate disney movies half the time. what if im no good with a girl?

im gonna learn what i can sweets, because you deserve the bestest. you already are gonna have the best daddy, and you are gonna have him wrapped around your fingers.
im gonna do my best. and as long as you do yours too, we'll be just fine :)

right now as i type this you are rolling around in my tummy ad i wonder...do you know how much i love you?

to the moon and back Maya Moon.

Hiya maya!

:)

We love you. And each other.

Kicking to kyle.

Uncle kyle is back on leave from the army. And he is talking, and you are moving all over to his voice. :) love it.