Polar bear jams.

:)

My portrait. 
I look so beautiful.

Drawings.

:) lunch date with daddy

Maya Nawae and Ohweo

Snuggles

Remember this in the hard times of the world.

Holy One, our hearts are torn, broken, and battered.

Even across an ocean

from the City of Light;

Such pain, such violence, such suffering.

 

The trauma is immense, nearly unspeakable.

We know that we are called to feel the pain of humanity,

to hear the cry of the soul,

the innocent soul.

So we shall.

 

May it help us turn to love in spite of hate.

May it help us turn to trust in spite of fear.

May it help us turn to each other, people of all faiths and none, in spite of intolerance.

May it help us turn to our neighbors in need.

May it help us turn our care to the vulnerable near us.

May it help us turn our spirits to the grieving, the injured, and the traumatized.

May it help us turn to the recovery,

And to our work of becoming a world of justice and compassion. 

Turn us.  Guide our feet and hands.  Bring us to peace.

 

Amen

maya narae

Last night you awoke with croupy grossness and were miserable. I held you in my arms, cross legged on the floor and rocked you by the red light of your christmas lights. 

In those moments im reminded of how perfect we are together, even if we struggle sometimes. 

I will always hold you cross legged on the floor, your cheek against my chest. I love you Narae. 

Babies.

So proud

"Dad"

Sounds about right :)

Grand Piano.

Moon.

Sickly

Double pink eye,  blistered lips,  croup. 
Begging for daddy while he's out of town.
Begging me to take it all away. You tell me you don't want to do it anymore. You can't see,  your eyes keep sticking together,  you're burning up and you're lonely.
You are so sick and it hurts my heart. And even though Bubba and James and Ellie are having fun camping with Jay,  baby girl I will hold you until the cows come home,  and then I'll hold you even longer. 
Forever,  no matter what is wrong with you, no matter how big you get,  you are always my baby girl.  I will always hold you while you cry,  you can always curl up into my arms for rest.  You will never have too many germs for me;  I'll kiss your sweet face no matter what.
You're my precious,  Precious girl, maya narae. 
I can hardly wait for you to feel better,  my brave, brave girl.

When I'm with God

Make no mistake,  when I'm up in heaven with the Lord,  I'm going to be standing next to Him, beaming as I watch you and telling him,  "father, those are my kids" with the utmost pride. 

You are my everything. 

Dinner with daddy

Helping mama

Remind me to get contact solution since you're filling everything up with it lol.

Pancakes!

Wrestling with mama

It says "maya" !!!

Breaking hearts

It's really hard.  You sleep next to a picture of mommy and daddy and it hurts me.  This isn't what I wanted for you. 
I wanted to give you everything. 
I still will. 
This wasn't my choice,  and I know you can't understand. 
But ill do anything for you honey. 
Forever and for always. 

Goofy coffee maker

I love our morning dates!

Coffee dates with mama

You always wake up really effing early. 
And we always have a little coffee date. 
You get a little fancy in s cup and I drink coffee.  I'm smitten with you.  We are going to be the best of friends as you get big. 

Stay close,  maya narae.

Mama is struggling

I needed this cuddle at the end of a hard hard day.  I love you both so much and I promise. Our struggle will not be in vain.  I'm working hard for you babies!

I'll give you a life,  a house,  a family,  a stability.  Even when it's so hard at work and with daddy I'm really really trying to do the right thing.  Always.

I hope I make you proud.

Please recreate this when you're older

Do this picture again for me.  I'm smitten.  :')

Narae love

Englewood Park

Some fun mama time.

Park fun :)

Maya Narae Girl

My sweet baby. I love you!

This is truth

I'll sacrifice for you forever,  babies.

I love you. 

My girl :)

I'll never be anything better

I'll never be anything better than your mother.
Nothing I do will ever full me with as much joy as being yours.
You are my lights,  my purpose, my soul.

I'm so proud of who you both are.  Always always always be you.

I love you baby

No one

Has ever loved another, in the way that I love you. 

You are everything to me. Every single thing. 

I love you fiercely and passionately. 

You're mamas whole world :')

Alton!

Mommy and daddy time seeing Alton Brown.  Friendship is still important :)

changes.

oh my loves. 

I wish i had the best news for you. 

I know that in the coming months things will be hard. 

Mama and daddy will be moving into different houses, and we wont be a family under one roof anymore. 

but i promise you this: 

we will forever be a family. 

Daddy is a wonderful daddy. 

I am the best mama that I can be. 

we love each other and we love you. 

When youre older I will tell you things about Love that I have learned along the way. 

For now I will just reassure you every day that you are loved and that I love Daddy very much even if we arent living together. 

I started my new job at the Shelter and I am so excited. 

it is wonderful to be in a place that does so much good for the community and saves lives. 

I am excited to see where it goes. 

I have my first business trip in a few months and I am dreading not seeing you guys for a week. 

but it will be okay and we will forever be strong. you will get great time with Daddy. 

I promise you that I will always act out of Love for you and your wellbeing and not let my personal feelings of hurt or pain get in the way of giving you the best life possible. 

I am so in love with both of you. and this life we 4 have in each other will be a great one. 

I love you both, deeply and with fire. 

Never fear, Mama and daddy are here. 

I love you Sonshine and Moongirl. I really really love you.