one.

how can the time gone so fast?
the happiest year of my life has come and gone and now we can work on the second happiest :)
im SO proud of you little moon.
youre incredible.
today mumma, dada, baba, grandma, aunt keemy and uncle Scott
April and the girls
we all went to the Portland Aquarium.
you loved being around us all, seeing the fishies.
you were so hungry after we enjoyed a nice breakfast for lunch, some mummas milk, and your first taste of apple pie...which, by the way, is probably your new favorite thing. When you had your birthday cake later, it didnt even compare to your love for apple pie!

i love you sweets. you are just the greatest little girl I have ever met, loved, and needed.

love you pudding!

moon shaped cake! :) for my moon!

Baba helped you blow out your candle :)

I love you.

just a reminder.

this is my current favorite picture of us. its dim and dark, and you cant see the dark honey brown eyes you have, or all of the chompers thatg have infiltrated that amazing light of a smile. you look balder than you are, and im pretty sure i hadnt showered. but its my favorite. you saw us in the photo display and immediately grinned. 

I could not be more proud of you. 

i love you. 

and i am SO thankful you are my girl. 

i can hardly wait to do those fun Mumma Baby things as you age. 

mani-pedis.

movie theatre dates. 

shopping sprees.

back to school shopping. 

homework helping. 

taking photos with and of you. 

sleepoversyou have with friends. 

sleepovers you have in mumma and daddy's room.

sleepovers with Baba too.

going thrifting!

crafting with you. 

making your hope chest/family box.

homecoming dances, proms. 

teaching you to drive. 

driving with you on long drives just us girls.

planning your wedding with you. 

watching you try on wedding dresses. 

telling you about daddy and i when we were younger. 

meeting those you love.

im so excited for everything that it means to be your mum. 

thank you, thank you. 

every time you toddle over to me and you just rest your head on my body with a big calm, satisfied grin...i just feel so serene. 

saying i love you just doesnt do this feeling justice!

I soak up every second.

I never want to put you down. I love you,  more than anything.  It consumes me how dear you are too me,  my love,  my sweet sweet daughter. 

i dont want to taint the simplicity of this post, for every time i hold you, i feel the same overwhelming love and adoration. 

but tonight, i also have a heavy heart that aches with compassion and a sting of generalized fear. 

a mom tonight will go to sleep for only the 2nd night without her 14 month old baby boy. her son did not wake up yesterday morning. I have since found myself screaming inside for her. and wishing i could remove the aching and the pain and the heaviness. I think of you, and i can not imagine ever being without you. the thought alone paralyzes me and just brings my heart to its knees. I love you my dear. and every day i realize it. every day i am so so thankful. I tell our sweet God how so incredibly grateful i am that I get YOU. You are my sweet girl. and baba is my sweet boy. im amazed at this life and family daddy and i have created and i am SO thankful for EVERYTHINGyou are to me. 

thank you. 

thank you for that sweet grin you get when mumma or daddy walks into the room. 

that laugh, the overpowering belly laugh when Julian tries to make you giggle. 

the way you want to cuddle sometimes and you just walk over and rest your head on me. 

the toddling you are doing these days without bending your knees it seems. 

the dance you do when baba is dancing. 

the sweet  look you give me when im pumping and you wait so patiently for mummas milk...and sometimes not so patiently. 

i love even the rough nights (though not many these days compare to the early days we had) and im so thankful for them. they remind me that we need each other. as a family, we need each of us to play vital roles. 

i love ALL of your existence. 

in 4 days my dear, you will be 1.

we will have been a family of 4 for one year. 

thank you. for the last 1 year 40 weeks. 

i will hold you as long as i can. 

and love you for much longer. 

Maya Narae. 

sweet maya narae. 

our day!

Today we had what started as a boys day but quickly became family day when
my sweet boy said "'I want you there because I would miss you if you were
gone". Talk about melting my heart!  So we had s great time!  Haircuts for
daddy and Julian stayed the day.  My boys look so handsome. I do miss my
Julians crazy long hair though!  After Julians haircut he heard music
playing, and danced to some songs while the other patrons and daddy got
their hair cut :) then we went to sushi!  Julian and I ate some pot
stickers and egg rolls and shared veggie rolls while daddy ate some other
fishy kinds. We then went to the Humane Society and finished the paperwork
to adopt formally or new puppy Carly.  It's official,  she will be in our
family and is coming home Wednesday! We saw the doggies and kitties there
and then headed home,  stopping on our way for our special treat,  a stop
at Dutch brothers where we had a "coffee date" I got a coffee and my boy
got a chocolate milk.  Will be so much fun when Maya is old enough to join
in!  :) I love spending time as a family out and about.  We've been a 4
some for almost a whole year now and I love how perfect it is.  Thanks for
the fun day loves. Time for snuggling!

Reflecting

just a note.

while listening to a song that was completely irrelevant to our relationship as mummy and child i heard lyrics that made me shiver and tears fell from my eyes. 

they are slightly different than what im about to share, but im writing what i heard in my heart, what brought forth the tears and what brought me to my knees, just thanking God for letting me have you, letting me be yours letting you be mine. 

i can neve, EVER, tell you in words how much i love you, and how much it means to me to be here for you, as yours, for AL of your moments. 

"I was there the moment you learned how to breathe, I was there the moment you got off your knees."

these lines...just brought me to my most humbled and grateful spot. 

what an obvious thing that i got to be there when you first learned to breathe...but you know? it still touched me. in such a deep deep way. 

i love you both SO deeply. so so deeply. 

thank you for being you. 

for loving me. 

i will never stop being this emotional over it. 

and i cant promise that sometimes i wont just want a long long hug as i breathe you in and remember every day and rejoice in all of the seconds and moments i got with you. 

this is the video with the song (which is currently playing a huge inspiring story in mummy and daddy's love party, themed "moments", youll see later :) 

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