Night words.

Its 2:p02am
I'm awwake. Watching as you sleep next to me.
I'm in awe. The words I intended to write here were "you're so beautiful." Its true; you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. But the fact is, seeing you just stirs in me this completely all encompassing feeling. It can not be explained what I feel when I look at you. All I can say, is that the feeling I get is beautiful. Its so beautiful the emotion I have for you, even if that emotion can not be articulated, its just so sweet and pure and beautiful.
You're amazing. You're a part of me. You're my little sweetpea of a baby girl.
And I'm SO happy and SO complete.
Thank you for choosing me baby girl.
Thank you.

Update this later! :)

beautiful!

sleeping like daddy!

wearing brothers old jammies!

loving playing the xbox :)

ah i love it. 

cuddles wif mamma.

no sleep mamma. wanna watch the big box with colors!

7 wonderful months.

i took this because it reminded me of you curled up in my tummy. 

its been 7 months since youve been in there. 

and im blown away. 

lookit this girl! 7 months old!

i unbuckled you as you woke up, still sleepy. you looked up at me like this and i couldnt help but take a picture. 

reflux woes and teething grief :( but ill cuddle you forever my sweet.

today i put your butt in the air for you. 

you were SO scared you began to cry and i had to help you get your butt down :) 

just some sweet memories of the recent days. 

im SO proud of you moon!

LOVE.

this was my view last night.
it was rough.
daddy fell asleep early; he mustve been tired.
im very thankful the surgery was internal, and there wasnt any outward incisions that prevented me from cuddles.
getting two babies to bed after having surgery was harder than i thought.
but bein able to look at THIS? priceless.
i laid there looking at you and felt SO priveleged to be in that moment.
the day couldve played out SO much differently, but i was protected and given this blessing of a moment, this fantastic view. and in Brother's sleep, he put his arm around Sister and let out a big sigh of content. LOVED it!
i love this. love you. love everything.
no matter what happens, we are love!

new strolllllerrrrr

mamma LOVES this. its our new "cadillac" of baby gear. i love that you can both face each other, or face me, or face the world or one can face you and the other can look the other way. i want to be close all the time, and this is going to help family adventures!

:)

update on mamma.

i sit here, home, grateful for everything God has given to me.

yesterday i went in for surgery and my wonderful doctor removed a tumor the size of his thumb from my uterus, an organ that, as you will come to know as an adult, is only about the size of a pear or a fist. he has sent it off and is very hopeful and confident we shouldnt have anything to worry about. he is testing it to see if its placental cells which might pose a problem for future pregnancies, and also testing for cancer and precancer cells. whatever it was grew FAST, within about 6 months. it wasnt present on my last ultrasound with you, nor the MRI that i had immediately following your birth.
immediately my milk supply seemed to kick up a notch, and so i think that did play a role in my supply and might be the reason ive had to work SO hard to keep producing for you girl!
am i worried? yes. because any time there is a possibility something might take me away at all from you, i will protect myself as best i can. but i feel confident. i have a GREAT doctor who helped me bring brother and you into the world. who has helped me for almost 10 years and made you possible. he has now done 2 successful surgeries, put me through treatments and shared in my joy when i carried both of you to term.
im so trusting, and i feel like he will do all that he can.
im trusting in Him. we have such a wonderful loving Provider in Heaven watching us.
everything He has done in our life is with reason.
i love you. and you make me SO happy.
its my life goal to make sure you KNOW you are loved. you feel the love and strength and joy you give to me.
youre my everything girl.

i love my Moon.
my maya narae.
my Roo.

:]

in other news, you are really working on trying to get your booty in the air to crawl. you are doing SO good at raising your arms to me and daddy when you want us to get you.

you still need special cuddles, but you really have your preferences and your routines and you like your stability.
youre so sweet and kind and caring. and i LOVE those eyes. those sweet insightful eyes that look into the souls of those who look back. you can pick out the saddest person in the room and you fixate on them. you want them. you seem so confused at sadness.
your reflux is not quite gone but has improved.
youve got TWO teeth coming in! this makes for interrupted sleep, breaking your routine which you arent a fan of.
you sometimes wake to play in the middle of the night which is so cute.
during this teething business, you arent eating much mamma's milk, i think the sucking hurts, so ive been introducing little baby food meals, just one a day, half servings. but then your tummy seemed to hurt, and i know from my development classes that your tummy might not be developed enough for it, so i think im going to just smoothie up some breastmilk and give it to you that way. you also like it when i put my milk in the fridge and you can drink it cold.
every day i pump for you, and every day i wish we had the closeness nursing provides, but i still feel this connection. you look at the pujmp and you know it means milk. you see my pump parts and know what it means. its so cute.
:)
i live for you baby.
i go to school for you.
i wake up for you.
i sleep for you.
i get fit for you.
i love you.

everything. you are perfect the way you are.
love your flaws. love your perfections.
love your smile. your eyes. your eyebrows. love your body.

love your feet, your nose, your smile.
love everything about you. always. love yourself.

okay. enough for now. heres some pics of our lives today :)

I love you.

Just know, my life is consumed with the love I have for you.

So.so.much.

Its my complete happiness.

LOVE :]

some more of us

you were SO proud. 

i love you little elf :)

that smirky smile will be the end of me. youre the bestest.

you make the best faces...

and youre SO happy.

cant tell, but everytimei kissed your cheek, you just smiled and laughed.

then you ate brothers workbook. 

i just LOVE making you smile.

:)