yesterday i went in for surgery and my wonderful doctor removed a tumor the size of his thumb from my uterus, an organ that, as you will come to know as an adult, is only about the size of a pear or a fist. he has sent it off and is very hopeful and confident we shouldnt have anything to worry about. he is testing it to see if its placental cells which might pose a problem for future pregnancies, and also testing for cancer and precancer cells. whatever it was grew FAST, within about 6 months. it wasnt present on my last ultrasound with you, nor the MRI that i had immediately following your birth.
immediately my milk supply seemed to kick up a notch, and so i think that did play a role in my supply and might be the reason ive had to work SO hard to keep producing for you girl!
am i worried? yes. because any time there is a possibility something might take me away at all from you, i will protect myself as best i can. but i feel confident. i have a GREAT doctor who helped me bring brother and you into the world. who has helped me for almost 10 years and made you possible. he has now done 2 successful surgeries, put me through treatments and shared in my joy when i carried both of you to term.
im so trusting, and i feel like he will do all that he can.
im trusting in Him. we have such a wonderful loving Provider in Heaven watching us.
everything He has done in our life is with reason.
i love you. and you make me SO happy.
its my life goal to make sure you KNOW you are loved. you feel the love and strength and joy you give to me.
youre my everything girl.
i love my Moon.
my maya narae.
my Roo.
:]
in other news, you are really working on trying to get your booty in the air to crawl. you are doing SO good at raising your arms to me and daddy when you want us to get you.
you still need special cuddles, but you really have your preferences and your routines and you like your stability.
youre so sweet and kind and caring. and i LOVE those eyes. those sweet insightful eyes that look into the souls of those who look back. you can pick out the saddest person in the room and you fixate on them. you want them. you seem so confused at sadness.
your reflux is not quite gone but has improved.
youve got TWO teeth coming in! this makes for interrupted sleep, breaking your routine which you arent a fan of.
you sometimes wake to play in the middle of the night which is so cute.
during this teething business, you arent eating much mamma's milk, i think the sucking hurts, so ive been introducing little baby food meals, just one a day, half servings. but then your tummy seemed to hurt, and i know from my development classes that your tummy might not be developed enough for it, so i think im going to just smoothie up some breastmilk and give it to you that way. you also like it when i put my milk in the fridge and you can drink it cold.
every day i pump for you, and every day i wish we had the closeness nursing provides, but i still feel this connection. you look at the pujmp and you know it means milk. you see my pump parts and know what it means. its so cute.
:)
i live for you baby.
i go to school for you.
i wake up for you.
i sleep for you.
i get fit for you.
i love you.
everything. you are perfect the way you are.
love your flaws. love your perfections.
love your smile. your eyes. your eyebrows. love your body.
love your feet, your nose, your smile.
love everything about you. always. love yourself.
okay. enough for now. heres some pics of our lives today :)
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