lets chat about help.

a few years ago I was living on my own while daddy and I were separated and things were rough. I worked a ton, had a lot of bills and things werent easy but i made it through. 

fast forward to now, Daddy and I have each other, and you both! and things still are sometimes tight. 

this quarter was rough, a few unexpected expenses had us in a  tight spot, and I went in to a building with nice people, explained my situation and they are helping us with some things. 

this is not my first go around with government assistance. When i was little, i was a recipient of government assistance all the time. I vowed never to put my family in that situation. 

and then i had you. 

and from THAT moment i vowed to do whatever it takes to keep you healthy, make you proud, and ensure your safety and happiness. 

it can be hard. 

you see there is NOTHING shameful about taking a little help when you need it. NOTHING. as long as you are a good person, honest and honorable and you do your share to contribute to this world during your highs, then you should be allowed to make it through your lows with dignity. 

today, i didnt get dignity. i got shame and embarrassment. 

ill paint a picture for you and hopefully you will see where im coming from. 

i held up a line of 16 at a checkout tonight for the foods i purchased with our assistance (WIC for those wondering). all healthy options, all good nutritional foods. it took a VERY long time for the cashier to scan each individual jar of baby food and produce and whatnot and people were NOT happy. 

i was wearing my wedding ring, carrying my nine west bag, wearing my nice skinny jeans and designer top. I had my smartphone and my long hipster scarf. one mightve even thought "hmmm i think i saw her at the blazer game the other day driving that cute little car!"

the looks i got from a couple people were burning me. some made snarky comments about the wait, even a store clerk mantioned something about this hold up. some stood in silence but their judgemental looks didnt lie. i was beet red, couldnt make eye contract and was about to cry. 

what they didnt know is that my nine west bag was a find at the By The Pound goodwill where you pay for your items by the pound. that beauty cost me $1.39! my clothes? all hand me downs from Aunt D after she went down a size. my ring was bought in feb 2010 (just a few months before our separeation forced us to live much more modestly) on clearance when daddy and i made 90k between the both of us and our income also contributed to government programs. my phone IS a smartphone, that was free because daddy works for the company and received a discount. my hispter scarf was made by me 2 years ago during our separation when i didnt use the heat even once. instead we used blankets and the fireplace and handmade items like my scarves. we preplanned our birthday gift to each other (our traditional blazer games) before the season even began as we do every year, and my cute little car is a 5 year old car we bought new that i am still paying on...not a recent purchase. we recently got rid of daddys beloved caddilac for a volvo wagon to save on gas and maintenance costs per year. 

whats the point of this? 

certainly not to get your pity, babies. 

my point is actualy multiple points. 

1. it is okay to stumble sometimes. be it karma, divine intervention, mummy and daddy, or the government programs intervening...you will be taken care of should you need a temporary boost. additionally...i will ALWAYS do EVERYTHING in my power to help either of you whenever you need. you are my babies, my life, my hearts and moon and sun. and i will never let you fail if i have a say in it. 

2. do not judge anyone you see. ever. you do not know their life, their story. i encourage you to get to know people, learn their stories and love them with a divine compassion. but if you dont (and lets face it you WONT know FAR more people than you WILL), do not judge them on their appearance. 

you just dont know. 

3. we are here to take care of our fellow man and woman. we are here to ensure happiness and health. be it happily paying taxes that assist mums like me and babies like you, or giving a helping hand do something to give back my loves. the world has helped us out so many times. 

4. it is my hope that by the time you read this at 16 or 18 or 35, that you dont remember any hardships, but its also my hope you subconscious holds onto enough to be compassionate. i want you to know we never allowed you to go cold or hungry. and we always put you first. always. but second, was always "tithing" or in our case "giving back". if we have $30 left we buy some food for our tummies and then gonate a few bucks where its needed and where we can spare it. its that important. 

hard times are hard...but also temporary. 

good times are good, and sometimes temporary. 

just keep moving, keep going, play it safe sometimes and smart all the time. save money, save people, and love. lovelovelove. 

we KNOW we will be better off next month, and hopefully the following once my financial aid comes in. its just a bump in the road. its my hope and plan that my bumps become your lessons and even if you find yourself here, you know that we have too and have gotten out of it. 

never give up. 

i love you Julian. 

i love you Maya.

:)