I never want to put you down. I love you, more than anything. It consumes me how dear you are too me, my love, my sweet sweet daughter.
i dont want to taint the simplicity of this post, for every time i hold you, i feel the same overwhelming love and adoration.
but tonight, i also have a heavy heart that aches with compassion and a sting of generalized fear.
a mom tonight will go to sleep for only the 2nd night without her 14 month old baby boy. her son did not wake up yesterday morning. I have since found myself screaming inside for her. and wishing i could remove the aching and the pain and the heaviness. I think of you, and i can not imagine ever being without you. the thought alone paralyzes me and just brings my heart to its knees. I love you my dear. and every day i realize it. every day i am so so thankful. I tell our sweet God how so incredibly grateful i am that I get YOU. You are my sweet girl. and baba is my sweet boy. im amazed at this life and family daddy and i have created and i am SO thankful for EVERYTHINGyou are to me.
thank you.
thank you for that sweet grin you get when mumma or daddy walks into the room.
that laugh, the overpowering belly laugh when Julian tries to make you giggle.
the way you want to cuddle sometimes and you just walk over and rest your head on me.
the toddling you are doing these days without bending your knees it seems.
the dance you do when baba is dancing.
the sweet look you give me when im pumping and you wait so patiently for mummas milk...and sometimes not so patiently.
i love even the rough nights (though not many these days compare to the early days we had) and im so thankful for them. they remind me that we need each other. as a family, we need each of us to play vital roles.
i love ALL of your existence.
in 4 days my dear, you will be 1.
we will have been a family of 4 for one year.
thank you. for the last 1 year 40 weeks.
i will hold you as long as i can.
and love you for much longer.
Maya Narae.
sweet maya narae.
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